She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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