I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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