I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
