the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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