So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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