do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
