Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
