I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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