Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
