Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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