So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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