I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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