Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
