Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
