i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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