i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I cannot find my penis.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
