mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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