theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
