i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I queefed so loud it echoed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No I am not eating basil off your cock
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
