Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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