Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
