Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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