When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Randomize