My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
