Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we're making bets on your personal life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
