If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize