Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
