you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize