He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize