I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
