I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
