The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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