And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
