sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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