i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
