and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
