Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize