We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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