Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
