Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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