what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
