k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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