the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
