worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
