one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
