mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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