so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
