Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize