what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
they're like a gay fantastic four
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
