1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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