Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
