SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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