i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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