I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
