Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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