Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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