mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
