i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
we're so committed to being not committed
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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