Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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