If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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