I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
