There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
