I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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