11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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