im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
