im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
