"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
