Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i dont even know how to be here
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
