it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
