All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
